Christmas Fiasco
by The Sword and Pen
Summary: Just a funny SGA fanfic in celebration of Christmas.


**Chapter One**

"This is ridiculous – I mean, they brought me here for a reason, I should be able to fix this stupid thing." McKay strode in circled around the gate. The rest of the team watched with raised brows. "If I could just pinpoint whatever malfunction is causing us to be struck here…" he huffed.

"Perhaps if you calmed down some, Rodney." Teyla suggested.

"I am calm." Rodney snapped, which brought some muttering from Zalenka.

"Did you run that diagnostic again?" Rodney asked Zalenka.

"Yes, Rodney, the results are the same."

"Really? Run it again."

"Rodney," Zalenka's voice trailed off as Sheppard cut in.

"Well, if you don't fix it, we're all stuck here for Christmas."

"Oh yeah." McKay said, and his face got a little brighter.

Ronan rolled his eyes and walked off. The rest of the team followed, leaving the scientists to themselves.

"Oh nice, real nice, leave us here, you go off and have fun." McKay called after them.

"We will!" John couldn't resist answering – though it brought a light punch from Teyla.

"You know, if we're stuck here, I better re-think my Christmas shopping." John pondered as the headed to the cafeteria.

"Yes, I hadn't thought of that. I will not be able to see my people, even if I did know where they were." Teyla's face fell and John resisted the urge to put his arm around her.

"I think I'll take a puddle jumper to PX094 – it's not too far to fly. They have a nice market there."

"May I join you?" Teyla asked.

"Sure, want to come too?" Shepard asked Ronan.

"Does that mean I've got to buy you guys something?"

"Of course." John replied.

"Hey," McKay had apparently been listening in. "Do you mind picking something up for Katie while you're there?"

"Do you not wish to et something for her yourself?"

"I'm sure you'll find something great." McKay said, waving the thought off.

"No, no, no, I don't think so. You're coming and getting her something yourself."

McKay gave a slight laugh. "And leave Zalenka to fix this? I don't think so, by the time I got back it could be worse."

"Oh, thank you Rodney." Zalenka said sarcastically.

Sheppard glanced at Zalenka. "He'll be fine. He can't make your mess any worse."

"Hey! I didn't! Oh, I see. Fine, I'll come, but if anything blows up while I'm gone it's your fault." McKay hurried after his retreating team.

"I just need to make one stop before we head out." Sheppard slowed by Carter's office.

Sam looked up from her laptop at the knock on the door.

"Requesting express permission to take a puddle jumper out to…go Christmas shipping." A smirk played across his lips as he finished.

"Christmas shopping? Need I remind you that we're stuck?" Sam asked.

"We were going to check out the goods on the nearest planet – easy flying distance and I hear they're having a special on gift wrapping." The Lt. Colonel teased.

"All right – permission granted, have fun."

"Thanks." John hurried off to join his team in the jumper bay.

The market seemed rather dull compared to the brightly decorated malls they were used to shopping in – although it was really only John who was used to Christmas shopping at all. He had quite a fun time trying to explain Santa and elves to Teyla and Ronan – Ronan in particular had been hung up on the idea of a fat man in a red suit.

"Is something wrong Rodney?" Teyla had noticed he seemed overly nervous since they had arrived.

"No, I mean it's just I'm not used to giving gifts. Like at all."

"I'm sure you will come across the perfect gift for her." Teyla said with a smile.

"It's the thought that counts anyway." Sheppard said.

McKay let out something between a laugh and a snort.

"Not to my family it didn't." He muttered and picked up something red and slightly squishy from a nearby stall.

"Here's a hint. Not that." Ronan slapped him on the back as he passed.

"Oh thanks." McKay said sarcastically, dripping the squishy mass onto the table.

"What kinds of gifts do you normally give for Christmas?" Teyla asked.

"You know – something the person would like or something sentimental." John ran his hand along a metal dish.

"Kind of like a birthday?" Teyla asked.

"Yeah – a lot like a birthday."

"I believe I see something Dr. Keller would like – " Teyla picked up a small knife. "Perhaps this would inspire confidence." She smiled at the memories of Jennifer's fighting skills.

"Great – one off your list already."

Ronan browsed around the same display of weaponry. He left with a pair of sparring sticks.

"Who are those for?" McKay eyed them nervously.

"Who says they're for anyone?" Ronan said and tucked them under his arm, and partially out of sight.

McKay passed the weaponry with hardly a glance and headed to an array of exotic plants.

"Too obvious." Sheppard stood behind him.

"You think so?" McKay reached to pick one up. He jerked his hand away as a pod nearly clamped his finger.

"He would know- he's got lots of experience." Ronan smirked and walked away.

Rodney threw a slightly jealous look at John, who pretended not to notice.

"Yes, Sheppard. Are you buying for anyone special?" Rodney had regained his dignity enough to ask.

"Of course." John snapped back. Having said so, he hurried off to a flower booth and bought a bouquet of buds. This appeared to shut McKay up for awhile.

Teyla came up behind the tree men who hadn't even noticed her temporary absence. She had two items wrapped in a brown cloth. She raised an eyebrow at John's purchase, but said nothing.

"Ok, Teyla, you're a…you know…female. What would you like to get from…you know…a guy?"

Teyla smiled. "Harfara leaves, they make wonderful tea which I hae not had in years. However, perhaps you should take her somewhere. There are some placed I know of that are beautiful."

"That's our problem right now anyway – we can't _GO_ anywhere." McKay replied.

"An ordinary place may be made beautiful by creative thinking." Teyla answered.

"Oh how Halmark greeting card like of you." Sheppard complained.

"How much longer do we need to stay here anyway?" Ronan gave a swat at a nearby tree with his sticks.

"I just need one more thing – so if the rest of you are done I'll meet you back at the jumper." Rodney made a shooing motion at them.

"I'm game." Ronan hurried away without waiting for the rest.

Sheppard shrugged and followed. He glanced behind to see Teyla following and McKay hurrying off through the stalls.


End file.
